Why More Women in Kashmir Are Ending Marriages — And That’s Not a Bad Thing
By : Javid Amin | Srinagar | 12 June 2025
A Bold Shift in Marriage Dynamics Across Kashmir
For generations, Kashmiri women—like women around the world—were expected to endure. To adjust. To stay for family honor, for the sake of children, for societal approval. A marriage was less of a partnership and more of a lifelong commitment to endure — regardless of fairness, respect, or fulfillment.
But across the Valley today, something is changing. Quietly, then increasingly boldly — more women are choosing to walk away from marriages that no longer nourish their mental, emotional, or spiritual well-being. They are choosing dignity over duty, growth over guilt, and authenticity over appearances.
Contrary to the outdated belief that divorce signals failure, this growing trend is a declaration of personal power — a seismic cultural shift that redefines what strength, success, and self-respect mean for Kashmiri women.
Because Staying Is No Longer the Only Option in Kashmir
In previous decades, Kashmiri women had no access to personal bank accounts, property rights, or independent legal representation. Divorce was unthinkable. Cultural norms, honor-based restrictions, and economic dependency kept women tethered to marital roles — no matter how toxic.
Now, things are shifting. With increasing literacy among women (female literacy rate in J&K stood at 67.16% in 2021, per census data), legal awareness, and greater economic inclusion, women in Kashmir are increasingly seeing marriage as a choice — not a compulsion.
The rise of self-help communities, family courts, and even social media support groups means women can walk away — and survive. Sometimes, the most courageous act is saying, “This is no longer my home.”
Emotional Labor Has a Breaking Point
Women in Kashmir often juggle multiple roles — as mothers, homemakers, teachers, caregivers, and professionals. In patriarchal households, they’re expected to serve everyone else, while their own emotional needs are sidelined.
Many aren’t leaving due to violence or abuse — but due to chronic neglect. Emotional labor — like keeping peace in the home, remembering anniversaries, managing in-laws, and ensuring children’s education — adds up. When the relationship offers no reciprocation or recognition, it leads to quiet despair.
In districts like Baramulla and Pulwama, anecdotal evidence collected from women’s counseling centers indicates rising cases of emotional exhaustion. “I was never beaten, but I was never seen either,” a woman in Srinagar shared. Her story reflects many.
‘Good Enough’ Is No Longer Enough
For decades, women were told to be grateful if their husbands didn’t cheat, drink, or beat them. That was enough to call it a ‘good marriage.’
But women today — educated, aware, and connected — are redefining their expectations. They want respect, presence, and partnership. Not the bare minimum.
Kashmir’s changing social fabric is producing women who demand shared parenting, decision-making equality, and emotional availability. “He earns, but never hears me,” one woman from Anantnag said during a family counseling session. “What’s the point of staying?”
Shame Is Losing Its Grip on Kashmiri Women
Divorce has long been stigmatized in Kashmiri society. The term talaaq carried whispers, and single women faced social exclusion. But that’s changing.
A 2022 study by the J&K Social Welfare Department found that nearly 28% of divorced women in urban areas reported improved mental well-being and career growth post-divorce. There is now less shame — and more strength — in choosing healing over appearances.
Support networks, NGOs like Ehsaas International, and public voices like female poets, influencers, and journalists are normalizing the narrative that leaving isn’t disgrace — it’s clarity.
Children Don’t Need Martyrs, They Need Emotionally Healthy Mothers
Kashmiri women often stay in unhappy marriages “for the children.” But growing awareness is helping mothers understand that emotional distress, silence, and suppression teach damaging lessons to kids.
Studies from Sher-i-Kashmir Institute of Medical Sciences (SKIMS) suggest children in high-conflict homes show signs of anxiety, withdrawal, and low academic performance. What they need isn’t a picture-perfect home — but a peaceful one.
When a woman chooses peace over pretense, she doesn’t break the family. She breaks the generational trauma.
Because Women Are Finally Listening to Themselves
Many women in Kashmir were raised to ignore their own inner voices. That voice saying “I deserve joy. I deserve peace. I want more.”
Now, that voice is getting louder — and clearer.
Through online platforms like Instagram reels, local talk shows, and group therapy programs, women are finding validation. They’re realizing that starting over is not selfish — it’s sacred.
Divorce is no longer viewed as a rupture. It is a return — to the woman she was before she shrank herself to fit someone else’s story.
Technology, Legal Support & Sisterhood Are Empowering Change
Access to smartphones and the internet, even in rural Kashmir, has democratized information. A woman in Ganderbal can now Google her rights, message a lawyer on WhatsApp, or join a Facebook support group.
District Legal Services Authorities across J&K are offering free legal counsel. More women are now accessing these services than ever before. NGOs like Kashmir Women’s Collective are empowering women with knowledge and community support.
A Generation of Men Must Rise to Match This Shift
This story isn’t just about women leaving. It’s about why men must now learn to evolve too.
Patriarchal conditioning has taught many Kashmiri men to view women as caretakers, not equals. The result? Emotionally unavailable husbands, disjointed communication, and unmet expectations.
It’s time to shift that too. Gender equality in Kashmir isn’t about women replacing men — it’s about rebalancing the emotional, intellectual, and domestic equation. Men must learn to share, not dominate.
What If Divorce Isn’t the Breakdown — But the Breakthrough?
When we say marriage is in crisis, maybe we’re asking the wrong question.
Maybe the rising divorce rate in Kashmir is not the sign of a social breakdown — but of personal awakening. A sign that women no longer want to be martyrs in their own homes.
What if divorce is the first honest chapter in a life that finally includes you?
What if the next time someone asks: “Why did she leave?” — we ask instead:
“What gave her the courage to finally go?”
Final Thoughts: A New Dawn for Kashmiri Women
The rise of divorce among women in Kashmir isn’t about rebellion — it’s about rebirth. A rebirth of confidence, autonomy, and truth.
This isn’t just a change in family structures. It’s a transformation of womanhood itself.
And that, more than anything, is worth celebrating.
