Late Marriages : Who is Responsible?

The unnecessary trend of delayed marriages in Kashmir will have serious consequences for our future generations

LATE MARRIAGES - Who is ResponsibleIn Kashmir for the past two to three decades, the average age of marriage for male has increased from 24 to 32 and in females from 21 to 28. It is the matter of grave concern. This has given rise to depression and instability among the youth. Be it physical, psychological or emotional, it slumps all these three ingredients of a healthy life.

National Health Profile 2015 compiled by Central Bureau of Health Intelligence, under Ministry of Health and Family Welfare, shows that mean age of marriage for females in JK is higher than any other state.

There are many reasons for late marriages in Kashmir. Preference of people to have a career before tying the knot is the main reason that more and more people are opting to marry in their thirties. Education and finding a job are both time consuming. By the time people find some sort of financial stability, and this is irrespective of gender, they have already crossed the 30 age mark. There is not a single cause that is associated with the delayed marriage of either one or both the sexes.

More time is taken for final settlement as our youth wait for government jobs which add to problem of marrying late. Parents invent the unique benchmark where if a son or daughter is a doctor, the life partner for their ward too must be a doctor. And, similar barometer is applicable for other professionals also, thus creating the pressure generated out of these conditions. Then we have another class who reject healthy marriage proposals for their children simply because the opposite party either has only single storey house to dwell in or a cramped lawn in their courtyard.

I was recently driving my car on the way to my office, listening to Big 92.7 FM and a guest on the show, who was a middleman by profession, shared his views about late marriages in Kashmir. He said that a number of parents make their children wait just to complete their PhDs and MPhil degrees and by that time they reach their mid- thirties and they seek doctors and engineers to marry them which is a problem because doctors or engineers complete their degrees in their twenties and the age difference remains a concern for both sides.

The prevalence of dowry system, obtrusive marriage functions and display of gifts in the form of gold, diamonds, electronic gadgets, expensive dresses and other flamboyant possessions are digging the grave of lower middleclass and poor families. In 2010, a research study conducted by the Department of Sociology, University of Kashmir, revealed that 55 percent of the total population of Kashmir never actually gets married even after attaining the standard marriageable age. This is followed by negative implications like mental depression, increase in suicide rate, indulgence in immoral activi- ties and other f a c t o r s , in a decreasing order. There are some important conclusions which have been derived.

First of all, the increasing number of “ never married persons” has dangerous implications for overall balanced growth of population in J& K, especially for the Kashmir province. The study finds, “ In addition to moral, ethical, cultural and social implications, this increasing phenomenon has posed potential demographic threat to the local community.” One of the major concerns we all have experienced is the different attitudes of families towards cast system. In fact there are families who would prefer not to marry if they don’t find a caste match. Without highlighting anyone, this caste dependency has created huge barriers in many sections of our population. It is a sheer madness to hold on to such meaningless criteria. Our tools of measuring the relations have landed us to the dark ages and the other class of people are suffering very badly just because they are getting rejected because they have a different caste when it is something which is not in ones hands.

There is a grave need to raise voice against such system where high caste families enjoy the goodwill of a name that has no place in our religion.

Also the late marriages come with many problems including biological problems.

The declining fertility rate among Kashmiri women, the gynaecologists say, is directly related to late marriages. Women should have a baby before the age of 35 or ‘ risk missing out on motherhood’. The health risks of late marriages means late pregnancy include complications for both mother and infant, greater difficulty in conceiving a child, high risk of general maternal health problems like high blood pressure, high risk of miscarriages, increased risk of children having congenital abnormalities, preeclampsia, and prolonged labour while pregnancy.

Moreover the lack of restraint in spending money and resources has transformed our weddings into some business ventures. And, at the end of the day, it is the bride’s family that has to bear the brunt of these never ending customs. There are parents who unnecessarily borrow huge loans from the banks just to make a show off or just because they are afraid of word of mouth talk like what their neighbours and relatives are going to say. We are becoming so obsessed with every added and unnecessarily “ rasm”. By delaying marriages of their children, who have attained the required marriage age, parents are not doing justice neither to themselves nor to their sons and daughters. It is morally, ethically, religiously and scientifically wrong to delay marriages when they can be simply solemnized. Marriage actually means the alliance not only of two different people dwelling under one roof, but two souls breathing peace and harmony under one common umbrella of love and respect for each other.

We need to also follow the principles of our religion, otherwise if this situation persists, it will trigger a massive generation gap in our future generations and that would come with a huge price. “ What we need is a better system in place to connect the dots.” The declining fertility rate among Kashmiri women, the gynaecologists say, is directly related to late marriages. Women should have a baby before the age of 35 or ‘ risk missing out on motherhood’. The health risks of late marriages means late pregnancy include complications for both mother and infant, greater difficulty in conceiving a child, high risk of general maternal health problems like high blood pressure, high risk of miscarriages, increased risk of children having congenital abnormalities, preeclampsia, and prolonged labour while pregnancy.

Wasim Rasool

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